Aardvarks Have Hearts, Too

So I’m sitting here scarfing down a donut, but I’m not feeling too great today. I don’t mean physically. That part is pretty well covered these days. I’m talking about a different kind of hurt.

All my readers have seen in my blog multiple times that there’s been no Mrs. ‘Vark in my life these last eight or so years. Yeah, sure, I come across as all cool, having it together, and totally awesome (which aardvarks are). But the whole truth is that I’m very lonely these days. Being alone can be difficult to deal with at my age, even scary.

But things were looking up recently. I finally worked up the nerve to talk to a lady at my church. I didn’t know her all that well, but I got good vibes from her and had heard nothing negative about her. And believe it or not, she accepted when I asked her out! We spent most of this past week just talking on the phone or texting, and we were starting to get to know each other.

We finally went out last night. She has kids so I had to work around her availabilty, but she was totally worth it. Smart, funny, attractive, and a great talker. Yes, I’m older than her, but she even said I “didn’t come across old.” We had dinner then coffee. The coffee shop (yes, Starbucks) even had to ask us to leave because they were closing!

And then this morning happened. I got a text from her saying she didn’t want to continue a dating relationship because we “were in different places” in life. She said I checked off so many of the boxes she had, but she just didn’t think it would work 😦

I’ve heard so many times from other females of the species about how great a guy I am, how I’m such a nice guy, yadda, yadda, yadda. So answer this question for me.

If I’m so great, why are you unloading me? Aardvarks have feelings, too.

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Gettin’ Thin

It’s a well know fact that aardvarks are incredibly sexy creatures. It’s just a genetic thing; we can’t help ourselves. Just like poodles can’t help but be obnoxious. It’s just who they are.

It’s also know that aardvarks are very creative creatures. Give us a piece of paper and a box of crayons, and we’ll create a work of art that equals that of Van Gogh, or that guy that came up with the dogs playing poker painting. We can take a guitar with three broken strings and compose a lyrical masterpiece. We can take Scrabble sqares and create a tome to equal War and Peace. Or at the very least, a good book of fart jokes.

So what am I trying to say with all this? Simply that I’m feeling pulled a little thin today, but in a good way. As you all know, I’m a world-famous blogging aardvark. That’s why you’re reading this, ’cause I blog. It’s what I do. I’m also well into writing my second full-length book, which is one reason I don’t blog as often as I used to. And of course, I have a real-world job that rudely insists I work 40 hours a week, no matter if I like it or not.

So what does this master of time management decide to do? Start a NEW writing project!

Don’t misunderstand. It’s not a very big project, by any stretch of the imagination. I will often get small bursts of inspiration that I try to indulge. This burst involved an idea for a new song. Yes, this aardvark has a musical side, as well. I’m multi-faceted. Although to be honest, the vast majority of my musical talent usually involves an MP3 player. But still …..

So on this day, my little claws tapped out a new chapter in my latest book, this blog post, AND the beginnings of a new song! All while chomping on a chocolatey treat at my favorite bakery (aardvarks love chocolatey treats). And trust me, the sugar was needed. After all, you can’t power an imagination this incredible on a low-carb diet!

Now if I could just stretch my body as thin as my little aardvark brain …..

The Power of Music

I was in my car earlier this week, just driving along. I don’t remember where I was going. But I typically spend a lot of time in my car by myself, being a single aardvark. I almost always play music when I drive unless it’s a short distance. And I listen to many different types of music, depending on my mood.

Of course, everyone who follows this blog (all 3 of you) know I’m a huge Nickelback fan, as well as a major AC/DC listener. I was around for the 80’s hair band era. Dokken, Motley Crue, Journey, Night Ranger, Rush, Def Leppard. An incredible era for music, to be sure.

Later in life, I really got into alternative rock (hence the Nickelback fandom) and a lot of newer bands like Halestorm, Pop Evil, Alter Bridge and the like. I’m definitely a chord-cruncher at heart. I’ve also gotten in country music at times. Jason Aldean is one of my faves. I never was keen on the George Jones/Tammy Wynette style of country, though.

Of course, I’m a saved-by-the-blood-of-Jesus kinda aardvark, so contempory Christian music is usually in my playlist. Elevation Worship, Casting Crowns, and Zack Williams are on the top for me. And a lot of times in my other identity as a helpdesk tech, I’ll have instrumental slow jazz playing in the backgroud to help keep me chilled out.

So what’s the point to all this? Well, it just hit me how music plays such a large part of my life. I’m always listening to music. Even right now, I have Kiss playing in my earbuds as I’m typing this blog. I love listening to music, as most of us do, I would think. For me, music evokes a variety of feeling.

The slow jazz helps to relax me when I’m dealing with silly and/or rude humans at my job. When I’m angry, metal helps cut the edge off. Country music makes me feel at home. 80’s music reminds me of my younger days. Praise music makes me feel grateful and lifts me up when I’m feeling down.

Music can evoke all sorts of feeling and memories. Years ago, Bryan Adams did the most beautiful ballad for a movie. You might have heard it. “Everything I Do (I Do It For You.” Powerful, romantic song. But at this point in my life, I can’t bring myself to listen to it. Why, you might ask? Because it was the song played at my wedding to my now ex-wife. It’s still an awesome song. But for me, it evokes some pretty strong emotional reaction.

Mercy Me does a praise song by the name of Bring The Rain. It talks about praising Jesus even when times are dark. In my own life, it took some hard times to get me to turn my life around. It took Jesus bringing the rain into my life to get me to straighten up. That song reminds me to be grateful even when life isn’t going my way.

AC/DC (anything by them) reminds me of my late teens, when I finally realized life wan’t exactly like my parents led me to believe. That band brings back memories of my first taste of real rebellion in my life. Not to mention a few alcoholic flashbacks!

Yes, I was a naughty aardvark in my younger days!

I love guitar virtuosos like Steve Vai and Joe Satriani, men who can make a six-string speak in 30 different languages … in the same song. I love bluesy artists like the late, great Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Music is a powerful tool of sharing stories, heart, emotion, good times and bad, memories and dreams. Music can inspire people to love, live, try things they wouldn’t ordinarily, or just be at peace. Music can create an atmosphere of worship, of joy. Music can be a simple way to just pass the time on a quiet day.

Music. One of the great powers of the universe. At least, in this humble-yet-accurate aardvark’s view.

So What Happens From Here?

It hit me that I haven’t posted an update on the ol’ blog in some time. Why is this, you may ask? Why are you choosing now to post something? Where have you been? What’s on your mind these days? Are you still a sexy beast with four legs and a tail?

Well, the answer to that last question is ‘yes’, of course. All aardvarks are sexy. It’s just genetics. We can’t help ourselves.

As to where I’ve been? Well, I’ve spent most of my writing time on my second fictional piece. It’s coming along a little slower than the first, but I’m starting to make headway with it. I also rewrote the opening of a third fictional piece as a change of pace, and I really like how it turned out. What can I say? Aardvarks are naturally creative.

I’ve also gotten back into journaling. This is something that I’ve done in the past to aid my personal growth and I had gotten away from it. But one should always be looking to grow and journaling is an excellent tool. Trust me. Aardvarks know things like this.

I’m still working out and losing weight, also. I feel the best I have physically in a long time, and my doctor agrees. It takes work to be this sexy, even with the genetics. And of course, there’s always the holiday hustle and bustle to contend with. But this year was one of the more enjoyable I’ve had in some time.

So yes, this ‘vark had a full slate to end the year, but a productive one. Sadly, it did take me away from the blogging scene, but I want to spend more time here in the new year. And I’ll take productive and busy over bored and disinterested any day of the week. That’s why I have multiple writing projects and this blog and working out and a job that pays the bills and family …

… and Nickelback!! The new release rocks!!!! Any year with new Nickelback music is a good year!

If I’m not back on before, everyone have a Happy New Year! We’ll see ya in 2023!!!

It’s That Time Of Year Again…

It’s the Saturday before Halloween, and I’m sitting in a local establishment, partaking in the wonderful goods they offer while I’m hacking away with my claws on the keyboard again.

Yep, I’m scarfing down a donut (because aardvarks love donuts, especially ones with chocolate and caramel icing. They rule!)

So, like a lot of you humans, my mind is on the upcoming holiday season. Because, like a lot of you, I start thinking about Christmas about two weeks prior to Halloween and barely stop for Thanksgiving. That’s what happens when you spend a lot of your life working retail (just a tip).

I’ve actually spent some time on a new project this morning but decided to take a break and message a family member who lives some distance from me. And just like in the past few years, it was pretty much the same conversation.

Me: Hey, any ideas what you would like for Christmas?

Fam: Nothing. Don’t buy for me.

Me: You’re being a Grinch again.

Fam: I can’t afford to buy gifts. I’m too far away. I don’t want to. We should stop buying gifts except for the little ‘varks.

Me: You’re also a poophead.

Fam: Negative negative negative blah blah blah

Me: Thpppptttt!!!

Gee, I wonder why humans get depressed during the holidays! Can’t you just feel the love in that conversation? I’m tearing up just typing it!

Yeah, in case you haven’t figured it out, I come from a pretty messed-up family unit. There was a line from a TV show several years ago that I think accurately sums it up: we put the fun back in disfunctional!

But as I’ve matured with time (please don’t laugh too hard at that statement), I guess I’ve learned that it’s not about the presents, or who you buy for. It’s about love. At least it should be. I won’t get too deep into that. I’m just chatting here, not trying to create disciples or anything.

So if you have family, good friends, etc. … just spend time with them. Buy them a little something if you can, but don’t sweat that. If they really love you, time is all they really want, anyway. Be thankful for your blessings and remember that not everyone in your circle of life may be so blessed.

That said … I’m still in the market for a lady ‘vark, if Santa just happens to read this post. Blonde, brunette, redhead, it doesn’t really matter. Just as long as she likes Nickelback.

Just sayin’ …

The High Road

First, before you even ask. No, I’m not confusing this with The Long Road, the name of a Nickelback album (’cause aardvarks with taste LOVE Nickelback).

No, I’m talking about something completely different (although Nickelback is a worthy topic of discussion). Recently in a previous post, I mentioned that I had applied for a part-time position in addition to my full-time jobs as a technical savior (aka helpdesk tech) and a world-famous blogging aardvark. So, guess what happened?

I didn’t get the position.

You have to understand that I was already DOING a lot of the things that were part of the job description, and I had done other parts in the past. So lack of experience or skill wasn’t the issue. I had been told by multiple people that I was well-thought of (which wasn’t always true, by my own fault). I’ve worked hard to mend a lot of fences over the past few years, so that shouldn’t have been an issue, either. But they gave the position to someone else because “they were more available.” Yeah.

And to make things even MORE entertaining, I’m now in the process of mentoring the person who will probably be my replacement. Isn’t that a hoot? (Not really, ’cause I’m an aardvark, not an owl) (But I digress).

Now, am I a bit put out by all this? Of course I am! Who wouldn’t be? But I have a choice to make. I can either get all mad and ticked off, act out in anger, be a big baby, or any other assorted negative behavior. And to be totally honest, there was a LOT of that in my past, so that road would be oh so easy to go down.

OR … or I can choose to accept the decision, act maturely, keep my little aardvark head high and conduct myself in a classy manner (aardarks are VERY classy). Because here’s a fact: I’m not responsible for the consequences of anyone else’s decisions. But I am responsbile for the consequences of MY decisions.

I know it’s a long road to see what happens (see what I did there?). But I’m choosing to take the high road, as well. And that’s why I can lay my little aardvark head to sleep at night without having a guilty conscience.

‘Cause aardvarks are just awesome that way!

What are YOU looking at?

Now, you have to look close at the title of this blog? Why? Well, first, I just want to prove I can make you do something! 😀

No, not really. But there is a point to my title. I’m not challenging you. That would make the title “WHAT are YOU looking at?” But I don’t want to challenge you. Not to a fight, anway. But I do want to challenge you, in a sense. So what’s got this aardvark all stirred up, you might ask? Well, I’m getting ready to tell you.

As my vast readership (all 3 of you) know, I’m a single, free-wheeling, jet-setting aardvark that’s been unattached for some time now (although I’m still taking applications). So when I go out to dinner, for example, Im by myself a lot. And this gives me an opportunity to observe you humans and how you behave.

By the way, y’all are MESSED UP!!!

But back to my story. I’m sitting alone at dinner, minding my own business and munchin’ down on some shrimp (aardvarks love shrimp). And across from me is sitting a young couple with no kids. Now, you think that in that scenario, the couple would be enjoying a good conversation, or joking around, or getting flirty in an appropriate manner for public viewership.

But what do I see? They’re both sitting there … looking at their cell phones. He’s got his in his hand, while hers is laying on the table beside her dinner plate. They’re just scrolling away between bites, occassionally exchaning a word or two to one another. But they are hypnotized by those little rectangular screens and lost in their own separate little worlds unfolding in front of them … and pretty much ignoring the world unfolding around them.

Now, I realize we all look at things through different lenses. And a lot of times those lenses are crafted from our life experiences. I get that. But to me, if I were lucky enough to have a Mrs. ‘Vark (or a potential Mrs.’Vark) sitting with me at dinner, that phone is going face-down on the table. I might have it turned on for an emergency call, but I’m not going to be scrolling on social media or checking my email while I’m out with my honey!!

Unless of course, I’m updating my relationship status on Facebook!!

I’M JOKING, of course! But you get my point. You humans talk a lot of about feeling disconnnect these days? Gee, I wonder why?

But that’s just one aardvark seething things with shrimp-covered glasses. What do I know? But let me ask you one more time, just so you’ll think about it.

What are YOU looking at?

Take Me Out To The Ballgame (‘n’ other stuff)

This post isn’t about anything specific. Just some random thoughts and musings from my little aardvark mind…


As most of you know, baseball season is in full swing (see what I did there!). It’s getting deep into the season, and some teams have pretty much been eliminated from playoff contention … well, almost as soon as the season started, ’cause some teams stink!

Not everyone gets baseball. It’s not a fast-paced game like basketball, or physical like football. But it doesn’t suck like hockey (aardvarks don’t like hockey), so there’s that. It can be a slow-moving sport, for sure. And if you’re not really into the game, well, sometimes you can become distracted. And for some people, that could not be such a good thing.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve read about two separate instances, in different cities, of couples becoming bored with the game they were attending. And since they were sitting in sections of the stands that were pretty much empty, they decided to…ahem, become amourous during the game. And of course, there was video. Fortunately, no close-ups!

Now that was bad enough. But a couple of days ago, the police released what the believe to be a photo of one of the couples (not from the game, thank goodness!). And looking at the photo, one thought came to my mind:

How do some of you humans find someone to mate with?!? These two were NOT an attactive species! Mayby ugly attracts ugly with humans.


So the MTV VMAs were this past week. No, I didn’t watch them. I’ll admit, I’m an old-school kinda aardvark. I grew up in a different time, a different world. You know, a time and place where musicians actually played musical instruments and had good singing voices (and no auto-tune).

Don’t get me wrong. There are still tons of talented musicians out there who hone their talent and look to improve their craft every day. And my aardvark hat goes off to every one of them! Sadly, most of them don’t appear on the VMAs anymore. Talent?!? Musical ability?!? Who needs that?!? Let’s just program a beat, shake our various body parts in obvious mating dances, and spout what we used to call dirty limericks but are now called lyrics.

I mean, c’mon! When one of the “top songs” of the year is about the moisture content of a certain bodily orifice, there’s something WAY wrong with the music scene these days!

And speaking of Nicki Minaj, did anyone else catch her in that Super Bowl commercial last year with “Wayne and Garth?” When she screeched, “Yeah! Eat local!”, my little tail curled up in a knot. I thought only dogs could hear that frequency! If that’s what you call talent, well, I think I’ll just hole up in my burrow and watch old music videos on YouTube.


Speaking of music…

NICKELBACK HAS NEW MUSIC DROPPING SOON!!! IT’S A GLORIOUS DAY, INDEED!!

‘Cause aardvarks LOVE Nickelback!!! You know, musicians who can actually sing and play their instruments. Wotta concept!!

Wotta week…

Here I am, your favorite bloggin aardvark, back at it again. I’m back in my burrough away from home (Starbucks) and hacking away on the keyboard with my claws once more. It’s been a crazy few months for this little mammal but I think the worst is over.

As those who read this blog know (all 3 of you), when I’m not a world-famous blogging aardvark, I work as a helpdesk technician for a major corporation. And the last few months have been a huge strain. The management of our company (whom I will refer to going forward as “pinheads”) decided to roll out two major IT changes, one right on top of the other. That was bad enough.

But there’s a trend in my company that I like to refer to as “pinheads in training.” It’s where no one bothers to read the emails that get sent out about said changes, and their managers don’t bother to follow up about these changes. So no one has a clue about the changes, but call us when they can’t do this or login to that.

So the last few months have been rough. Nothing but complaining, smart-aleck comments, griping, foul language, yelling, intense conversations, constant commentary about “this is urgent” and “I have deliverables”, dumb questions, failure to follow instructions (because of the pinhead syndrome), rude emails, exasperated communication, foul tempers, whining and moaning, and just a plethora of unpleasantness.

And that’s just the guys on MY team! You should have to deal with the pinheads that reach out to us! Oy!!!!!!

But finally, it seems as though that mess of bison poo is about to calm down. This past week has been pretty chill, and I haven’t wanted to perpetrate violence on a single caller this week (aardvarks can be deadly when provoked)!

In other news, I’ve finally made some headway on my other writing project, and it’s starting to come along now. This one has been a bit more of a struggle than the last one, but I’m starting to get some clarity about it now.

I’ve applied for a part-time second job (because apparently aardvarks are into pain or something). We’ll see how that turns out. Let’s just add some MORE stress into my life!

I’m really craving a donut right now (aardvarks love donuts, especially chocolate-iced). There’s a local bakery that makes some righteous goodies, but there’s an event in my town that’s pretty much blocked off access to the place today. I’m one sad aardvark about it.

But I have to say it’s been a good week. Even without a righteous donut in my sharp little claws.

What were YOU thinking about?

I see you from a distance. Your golden skin contrasts so deliciously with your dark covering. Even in a crowd, you stand out. I take you with me, unable to leave you alone. I admire how beautiful you are, now sitting beside me.

I take a sip of my drink, unable to pry my eyes away from you. I catch a faint hint of a sweet smell coming from you that takes me back to days past. But those moments are lost in time, and I choose to focus on what’s in front of me.

I lightly run a finger across your skin, feeling the warmth from within. I feel every contour, every slight imperfection, the smoothness, and it excites me. I stop to once more drink in your beauty, your magnificense with my eyes. Your very being beckons to me, filing me with desire.

I now have no control. I lift you to me, my lips pressing against you. I taste you and enjoy every sensation. I open my mouth wide, and I feel you enter before I even know what’s going on.

And then it happens. I feel my mouth close on you, teeth sinking in. I feel the response as your taste fills my mouth. It’s like you were made to be devoured by me. I pull back slightly, my tongue making its way to your center, slowly working my way around. I can hold back no more, and I quickly take a bite.

The sensation is incredible. Your choclatey iced goodness combined with the sweetness of your dough is incredible. This is one incredible chocolate-iced doughnut.

Waitaminnit!!!! What did you THINK I was talking about?!? Aardvarks love doughnuts!!!

You humans are all alike! Get your minds out of the gutter!

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