As the readers of this blog (all 4 of you) know, aardvarks are creatures of refined taste and only partake of the highest quality things in life. We indulge in fine food, wine, highbrow music, and only the best entertainment.
So yeah, I’m a professional wrestling fan. Yes, that’s right—pro wrestling. They’re like the great soap operas that once littered television screens; only they’re pumped up with testosterone. Dualing athletes push their bodies to the brink, engaging in titanic battles of strength, speed, stamina, and agility. Hurling fists, kicks, headbutts, dropkicks, and other physical maneuvers, all with intensity and high impact. Sometimes outside objects such as metal chairs, tables, kendo sticks, and chains are brought into the fray. And during all this, the combatants constantly yell, growl, grunt, and snarl at one another with a fierceness that would make an ordinary person run in fear.
And those are just the female wrestlers. The dudes are BRUTAL!
Of course, part of all this grand theater is “the promo.” That’s where a wrestler is interviewed by a ringside announcer and proceeds to pontificate about how great they are, and no one can defeat them, and how awesome they are and how their opponent in their big match has no chance, and how incredible they are …
You get the point.
And as always, the higher-end performers always have a catchphrase they always blend into their promo. It’s a brief statement that acts like a wrestler’s signature. Once you hear the catchphrase, you know immediately who it belongs to. Even some of you non-wrestling fans (a.k.a. heathens) are familiar with some of these sayings:
“To be the man, you gotta beat the man!”
“Rest … in … peace!”
“Watcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!”
“I’m better than you, and you know it!”
“Can ya smell what the Rock is cookin’?”
“Say hello to the bad guy!”
“And that’s the bottom line, ’cause Stone Cold said so!”
“Leeroy Jenkins!!!!!”
No, wait. That last one is Deadpool.
So, I began to study this because that’s what aardvarks do. They know things because they study important subjects such as this. Then it hit me:
Why can’t we all have catchphrases? Something that identifies those of us who aren’t professional wrestlers or athletes or even in decent shape? Why should sculpted mountains of physical awesomeness wearing tights on televsion be the only ones deserving of such an honor?
Hmmmmmm……..
(more to come)
The Naked Aardvark 